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Thursday, October 28, 2010

In the Shoes of a Porn Star (book givaway)

**One commentor will be chosen to receive a free copy of Exposed. **


Some books you write because you love writing. Some books you write because the story drips from your fingertips. And yet, some books you write because your heart won’t stop bleeding until you get every last word on the page.

That’s why I wrote Exposed. My husband’s pornography addiction swept my world into a sea of unknown territory. Yes, we healed a great amount before I wrote Exposed. But it wasn’t until I saw this book in print and held it in my hands for the first time that I knew, finally knew, what my heart couldn’t feel for so long.

Porn is not about you, Ashley.
I knew it. But I never felt it. Writing Exposed changed my life. Not only did I have to search the minds of so many porn-stabbed men and women, but I also had to live inside the heart of porn stars, strippers, and prostitutes for months. My research for this book nearly sucked the life out of me. It’s not easy to dive into darkness and keep your light strong.

Thankfully God’s grace kept my light shining, dim as it may have been at times. And I finished researching porn, finished Exposed, and finally, two years later, I held it in my hands.

It’s not about you is a truth so many wives affected by porn never want to face­­. I didn’t want to face it. I wanted to be a victim. To stay a victim. To make the world know that my husband’s issue with lust ruined my life. I blamed him. I blamed porn. And I never once thought about the heart of my husband or, even more, the heart of a porn star.

Throughout my healing process I realized that it really isn’t about me. It never was about me. We’re all victims of porn. All of us, in some way or another. When this truth clicked in my brain it turned a light on in my heart, exposing every last detail of my own sin, my own selfishness, and my own hidden pain. Through this light, this exposing of myself, I was able to toss away my own mask and place myself in the shoes of a porn star.

My life will never be the same. Writing Exposed wasn’t easy. It didn’t always seep from my fingertips like so many other things I write. It was hard. And often painful. But after a long hard road of publishing, it’s here.

I can breathe again.

I never would have chosen to write this book, to put myself into the shoes of a porn star and unmask the pain behind a hurting wife’s weak smile. But God has taught me so much. He’s taught me that life really isn’t about me. He can use the most torturous moments of our lives for good, for His glory. I never wanted to be known as the lady who writes about porn. I never wanted my marriage marked by its ugly stains to begin with.

But I can honestly say I’m glad I’ve written this story and I’m glad I went through the pain my husband’s porn addiction caused me. Why? Because I would never know the depth of His power and beauty, His crimson blood turning our ugly stains to a snow white, new, beautiful heart, without the pain I experienced.

Exposed is just that. A manifestation of my new heart.

21 comments:

Gina Holmes said...

Thanks for this, Ashley.

Ashley Weis said...

Thanks for you, Gina. :)

Nicole said...

Bold, brave, necessary. Thank you.

Perfectly Imperfect said...

Pornography is the silent killer of marriages that no one wants to talk about. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. The more people talk about it and are willing to share their stories, the quicker the healing and restoration of broken relationships and lives can take place. Like you said, women appropriate the fault and shame of their spouses addictions but I think your book will really help set them free from that lie. I've never met you, but as a woman, I am so proud of you. Proud that you took the initiative to heal, proud that you let God's light continue to shine through you, and proud that are trying to make a difference. God bless.

Michelle Sutton said...

I bought both the paperback and the kindle version. But I won't part with either. So, if I win a copy I will share it with a friend whose son is struggling with porn addiction. Knowing her, she'd read it first, then share it with her son who is about 25 years old.

Jill W said...

What an honest and heartfelt posting, Ashley. I'm sure your book will be helpful to many women dealing with issues of pornography in their relationships. Well done!

Anonymous said...

I'm posting today as "Anonymous" because my marriage of 20+ years dissolved with this as a primary, yet hidden, factor. On the surface the excuse was, "I don't love you any more," which, if you already see yourself as a victim of your husband's alcoholism, becomes the crushing death knell of self-esteem.

It's now many years later. I, too, have learned to forgive and heal and discover that the Lord really, truly, does work all things together for good. My ex-husband's addiction to pornography may still exist. Until he turns to the Lord, I doubt he'll find complete freedom. I'm just sorry it was our adult daughter who brought it to my attention in the first place after she found the evidence.

As hard as it was for you to write this book, I'm sure it will prove a blessing to many.

DarlaNagy said...

Thank you for writing a difficult book, but one that will help many.

Jerri Phillips said...

Ashley,

"This is not about you."

Powerful words.

These are the words the Lord spoke to me when my husband of 19 years moved out in June. "It's not about you." The lies, the secrets, the addictions that come in all forms, the self-loathing, the mental and emotional prison he was in. None of it was about me.

The HEALING was, though. The Lord's desire to heal was all about me, all about His love for me, His love for my children...and His love for my husband.

It is all about His glorious pursuit of us in our darkest, most painful places, and others seeing He pursues them just as passionately, can heal them just as completely, and loves them just as deeply.

Ashley, thank you for your courage in serving a reckless God who sends warriors where we don't want to go so He can take back land others thought long gone. Blessings of wildest proportions to you, Woman of God!

Ane Mulligan said...

Each year, a few pieces of fiction are monumental. I think this qualifies. Bravo, Ashley, and may God touch thousands of lives with its healing message.

Linda said...

What a painful book to write, but one that can help hundreds of men and women (husb's and wives) learn from. We had sermons at our church about this very thing. God can and does miraculous works. I know I wouldn't be able to deal with something like this on my own. I would love to win this to help minister to couples. Please enter me.
desertrose5173 at gmail dot com

Ashley Weis said...

Nicole - Thank you!

Perfectly Imperfect - Thank you so much for your kind words. I love your Blogger name. Perfectly imperfect. That really is the way we need to see ourselves!

Michelle - Thank you, my dear! :)

Jill W - Thank you! :)

Anonymous - I am so sorry you went through that. I hope that Jesus continues to transform your heart and I hope He brings complete healing to your husband.

Darla - Thank you muchly! :)

Jerri - Thank you for your honesty! Isn't it such a hard truth to understand in those painful moments? But once understood it is so freeing!

Ane - Wow! Thank you!

meredithlbl said...

I passed this post on to others. I think this book is one that will bring insight and healing.

Dayle said...

Definitely an important issue that needs to be dealt with.

laurie said...

As a woman and as someone who has worked with--and loved in Christ--women who live on "the street", I am so looking forward to reading this book. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

what a real posting...thanks for sharing.

karenk
kmkuka at yahoo dot com

Ashley Weis said...

Linda - Thanks so much for your willingness to help out!

Meredith - Thank you for caring about this!

Dayle - I agree. Thank you!

Laurie - How awesome and wonderful of you! We need more people like you!

Karen - Thank YOU. :)

Deborah M said...

Thank you for sharing so much from your life and your heart. I would love to read this book. By the way you are a beautiful person.

Deborah M.
debbiejeanm@gmail.com

audreygeddes said...

Thank you for being so brave as to write this important book and I look forward to reading it. This is such a huge issue in our society. The more women who speak out about this the better. You might want to check out Grace Adams at her blog, Looks Great Naked. Grace's ex was a sex addict who had an affair. I love how Grace has triumphed over her situation and kept her sense of humor in tact. She believes our identity should not come from spouse and to love who you are.

Tina F said...

I know I'm late for the contest, but I'm so amazed by your story, Ashley. The very best stories are sometimes ripped from our own hearts and this one sounds like such a story. Congratulations on publication, but especially on your courage! Blessings. :-)

Deborah H said...

Thanks for sharing your story and congratulations on publication.