- Pitch editors and agents in the bathroom if possible. It's where they're most vulnerable, thus most open to suggestions.
- If you get a chance to sit next to an editor or agent at a meal, scoot your chair so close they'll feel like they're in the middle of a CAT scan. They like feeling close to writers.
- If you have a 15 minute appointment with an editor or agent, make sure you talk for at least 14 of the 15 minutes.
- Be sure to ask editors and agents inane questions that could easily be answered with a little research on the internet. They like being asked these questions over and over again.
- When it's your turn to speak at a meal where there are other aspiring writers, don't talk in short sound bites. Talk in long run on sentences—without taking a breath if possible. This proves to an editor or agent you have enough words to write a full length novel.
- Before and after your appointment, lurk in your favorite editor or agent's peripheral vision so they know you're serious about working with them. Editors and agents don't think of this as stalking, they think of it as persistence.
- When they ask for your proposal hand them one that's a little beat up with two or three strategically placed coffee stains. This shows you're a true artist.
- Whenever you say their name, pronounce it wrong. This will provide loads
of laughs in the years to come when you reminisce about your first meeting.