Sunday, March 30, 2014

The Joy of Our Adoption

Posted by Marcia Lee Laycock

I am very pleased to host historical novelist Christine Lindsay today for our Sunday devotional. Be Blessed.



Christian Author, Christine Lindsay

God had done an awesome thing. After twenty years of praying, I was going to be reunited with my first-born child that I had relinquished to adoption when she was three days old.
Sarah was a beautiful, well-adjusted, and happy young woman studying to be a nurse and planning her wedding to a wonderful guy. This was exactly what I had wanted for Sarah all those years ago when I was an unmarried mother and couldn’t provide for her. The door to future get-togethers for Sarah and I was sort of open. By all standards our adoption reunion had been a success.

So why was I so angry with God?

In adoption reunion books my trauma was explained as the cold and clinical stage of negotiating the birthmother role. I wanted to throw the book across the room.

This reunion was not what I had envisioned as I had prayed. Sarah and I were total strangers, and it was clear it would take a long time to build the relationship I yearned for. But that wasn’t what hurt the most.

Sarah’s parents did not want to meet me. They were hurting so badly that they stayed at home while Sarah I were reunited.

Twenty years earlier I had chosen this Christian couple from a portfolio, a couple who would raise Sarah to love the Lord Jesus. They had done exactly what I had prayed for. But each day that I had prayed for Sarah, I had prayed for her parents too. They were her mom and dad—how could I not love them? And, I thought, since we all love the same Lord, surely they will want to meet me and have a friendship with me when Sarah becomes an adult.  

But their hurt over the reunion, hurt me in return.

Sarah blessed me when she told me that she had never felt rejected like many adoptive kids feel. She knew that I had relinquished her out of sacrificial love.

But now it was me, as her birthmother, that was feeling rejected. My self-pity disgusted me.
Months after the reunion, I was alone one afternoon. My house was quiet, my husband at work, our three kids at school. I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. As I reached for the kettle the dam burst and I cried, and I felt the Lord’s voice, I have never forgotten you.

I set the kettle down. Each year around Sarah’s birthday when I was missing her, I had felt the Lord’s comfort in amazing ways. The verse that I’d claimed as my life’s motto came to mind.

Isaiah 49:15, 16a “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . .”

I lifted my face to receive my Father’s love.

For years I’d prayed to be brought visibly back into the triad of Sarah’s adoption, but God had done even better. He had brought me back full circle to His love. I was His child. Nothing could ever separate me from Him.
****

Christine Lindsay writes historical inspirational novels with strong love stories. Her debut novel SHADOWED IN SILK is set in British Colonial India during a turbulent era. Christine and her birthdaughter Sarah enjoy a warm and close friendship 12 years after their adoption reunion, and Sarah was happy to be the model on the front cover of Shadowed in Silk, and in the book trailer.

SHADOWED IN SILK was the Gold winner of the 2009 ACFW Genesis for Historical Fiction. The Pacific coast of Canada, about 200 miles north of Seattle, is Christine’s home where she lives with her husband and grown up family.

Visit Christine's website

9 comments:

Ane Mulligan said...

Christine and I have shared stories, since my adoption is from the other side. Her journey has been one of faith and growing in grace. Thanks for sharing here, Christine.

Nicole said...

I can feel the pain, joy, tears, and grace, Christine. Thank you. And may the Lord continue to fulfill your heart's desires.

Rebecca DeMarino said...

God has done amazing things in your life, Christine! Thank you for sharing the tears and the joys. I think the cover on Shadowed in Silk is one of the most beautiful covers I've seen ~ and the story just as beautiful!

Carole Towriss said...

Thank you, Christine. Right now our 15-year-old is dealing with that rejection, and since it was an international adoption (with falsified records), we have no way of contacting the birthmother. I wish her mother could talk to her and explain things. I am so glad you were able to bring it all back together and praise God for your healing.

Katy Lee said...

Christine, thank you for sharing such an honest experience in your life. I have adopted and am on the adoptive mother side of your story. I can understand both sides...unfortunately. Fears do tend to overpower our hearts and minds even when we know fear is not from God and we should turn away from it and live in His grace instead.

Patricia Bradley said...

It took much courage to give up your daughter, and I'm so glad God sent you his comfort each year. What a blessing this post has been.

Christine said...

Hi Cjarole, Adoption sure is a complex thing. Makes sense though when we are dealing with the most basic of human connections. Prayer was the answer for me, as it is in everything. Praying for you and your daughter. Hang in there, as we both know, 15 is a tough age. Tell her if she ever wants to contact me to tell her what a birthmom feels like when she relinquishes a baby, I'd be happy to talk to her via email or something. I can't speak for all birthmoms, but I'm certain the largest marjority do it because it's best for their baby.

Christine said...

Our human emotions sure can do a number on us, but then if we didn't feel the pain we wouldn't experience the joys either. I'm just so grateful to ghe Lord for blessing me with the relationship I currently have with my birthdaughter. This story that was shared today is actually old. So much has happened in the years that followed. In fact I'm contracted to write our Non-Fiction story which will be coming out January 2015. The story has such an amazing happy journey that continues.

Christine said...

Dear Patricia, one thing I have learned in life is that all of us go through something, some deep valley of pain. And as I'm sure you are aware too, the Lord is so gracious. These days I am so thankful for the amazing ways He turned my broken heart into Joy. Today's story was just the beginning of some pretty fantastic stuff.